I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
