I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
