If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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