You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
