She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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