I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
