You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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