i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
