My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
