just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize