My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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