I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Randomize
