Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
