How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
