I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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