Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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