you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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