Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
