He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i came on her dog
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
