She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
