I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
