This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
