i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Randomize
