Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
