Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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