OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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