Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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