i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
