I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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