I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize