After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
