Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My ass is underappreciated
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
