Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
