Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
