im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
