I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
