if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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