Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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