That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
