God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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