just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
