...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dignity is for republicans.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
