Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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