No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
