i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
