haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
