So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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