she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
