After last night, I could never be a politician.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
