What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
