I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
