All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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