you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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