This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
