I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
