My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That accounts for only three of the penises
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
