"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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