so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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