You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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