Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
