he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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