Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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