so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
