party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Hippo gnu deer
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
