i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize