Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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