wat bout pragnant strippers??
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
