I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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