Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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