also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
smell my finger.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
