Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
