My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
