You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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