I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
