I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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