you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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